Someone I can Call a Father
by KPT
Summary: "He didn't even want to think that suicide was on the young boy's mind. He was barely fifteen years old. But right now, seeing those bright red gashes across his milky white wrists, it was a very real possibility." REDONE


**So yes, I have written this before. But I decided to rewrite it when I was really bored yesterday, because looking back, it wasn't as good a I thought it was. I changed some things up, and added more detail. Hopefully it's more likeable. Thanks a bunch!**

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><p><em>"This is Colonel Roy Mustang speaking," <em>

_"…." _

_"Hello?" _

_"…Colonel…" _

_"Fullmetal? Is that you? Well well, strange getting a call from you. What do you want now? This better be good. I'm already pissed off as it is, and you-…Fullmetal? You there? You okay?" _

_"…I don't know…" _

_"Edward, tell me what's wrong. You don't sound good. Where's Alphonse?" _

_"Out taking care of Elysia…I don't know…did something…stupid again…bleeding." _

_"Bleeding? Edward, what happened? Where are you?" _

_"…apartment." _

_"Hold on, okay? I'm going there now!"_

The Colonel raced down the street in his car, passing cars and trying to avoid all stop lights. Today was Sunday, damn it. He was supposed to be home relaxing and drinking, but instead he was forced to stay in the office by himself and finish his work. Of course, normally he would have left once he was all alone, but as he had learned before, he needed to finish his work before the end of the week, unless he wanted a bullet shot lethally close to his head. He had just finished, too, when he got that strange call. Edward had just finished a mission involving a lead with the Philosopher's Stone. What could he seriously have done so stupid already?

Roy pressed on the gas, ignoring the beeps and honks when he recklessly cut a delivery truck.

He said he was bleeding. But if it wasn't too bad, he wouldn't have called for help, much less the Colonel. What the hell could he have done?

Finally, after the fifteen minute ride that seemed like hours, Roy pulled into one of the vacant parking spaces outside the Elric's apartment complex. He leaped out of the car, his foot momentarily tangling in the seat belt. Not even thinking to lock his car, he ran to the building and up the stairs, his heart pounding the whole time as images of a dead Edward laying on the ground flashed through his mind. Roy furiously shook his head, ridding his mind from the thoughts.

No. That would not happen.

He reached Edward's room number, and knocked, more like pounded, on the familiar forest green door. "Fullmetal, it's me. Open up." he said, his heart thumping in his ears.

….No answer. He grabbed the handle and pushed, surprised when the door creaked open. He stepped inside, frantically searching for any signs of a dying Edward.

"Fullmetal! Fullmetal!"

He searched the kitchen, bathroom, and living room, each place holding no Ed. Finally, he reached the bedroom, the door left slightly ajar. He swallowed hard, and pushed the door open greeted with darkness. He fumbled around the wall for a second, searching for the light switch. His fingers found the switch, and he shakily flipped it, flooding the room with light.

There was Edward, slumped against the bed on the floor, a knife next to his automail hand, and dark crimson blood flowing freely from four distinct gashes on his left wrist. Roy's eyes widened and he gasped quietly.

"Edwa-" his voice caused the boy's head to jerk up. His eyes were bloodshot, his hair clung to his sweat covered face, and his skin was pale. He was so tired. He almost looked lost. So, so lost.

The Colonel stared in awe at the scene for a mere second, before he swiveled on his heels and headed for the bathroom. "Come on, come on..." he muttered, as he flipped open the cabinets, frantically searching for an aid kit. He rushed back when he found one in the bottom drawer. He knelt down before Ed, taking out a bandage and alcohol and tending the wounds.

Now that he got a good look, there was a lot of blood, _too much blood_, and there was no time to think. There was almost a fatal amount splattered around him, and the bleeding needed to be stopped now. Edward's dazed red eyes slowly followed Roy's hands, before he slowly spoke up.

"Ah…I'm glad you're here, Colonel."

_Glad you're here?_ Why did he sound so calm?

"If you came any later…I don't know what would happen…There's a lot of blood, isn't there. Here, let me help." he said, reaching to grab some of the bandage.

Roy looked up dubiously. He had a smile plastered on his face. How could he be smiling?

"Edward, what the hell are you talking about? What were you-"

"I think…I think I did something _really_ stupid this time…didn't I…" Edward interrupted, as his hands trembled and tears puddling at the bottom of his lids.

"Ed-"

Ed snatched his wrists back and turned his head, hoping Roy wouldn't see his tears, but they didn't go unmissed. Roy sighed, his stomach churning with the feigned act Ed was putting up.

"…why…?" he forced out. Edward didn't answer.

"Tell me why, Fullmetal. What could have happened that you would resort to this?" he asked again, his voice wavering unwillingly.

Edward finished up the bandaging himself, turning his body to create a wall between his sliced wrist and Roy. "…Nothing…it's nothing…I don't even know why I called you…sorry…leave. I can take care of myself." he answered, giving indication that he didn't want to talk.

Roy rose up, placing his hands on his hips exasperatedly. "Oh yes, Edward. You've certainly show that you can take care of yourself. Because sitting here doing nothing while you're _bleeding to death_ is taking really good care of yourself." he scoffed, obviously annoyed and trying to hide the growing sick terror inside him.

The sarcastic remark earned nothing but a "tch" from Edward, who frowned. His chest heaved with each struggled breath, as his body slowly weakened with each stalling moment. They weren't getting anywhere with this. He needed to know what happened. What the hell was Ed hiding?

"Why did you do it," he pestered his voiced lined with animosity. Dammit, he was getting really pissed. He needed to calm down and stay leveled. "Those weren't some act of self-pity, were they?" Roy lowered his voice to almost a soft whisper before continuing.

"You really…you were really looking to kill yourself, weren't you?"

Edward's body jumped slightly. Roy grimaced. He didn't even want to think that suicide was on the young boy's mind. He was barely fifteen years old. But right now, seeing those bright red gashes across his milky white wrists, it was a very real possibility. But why? Surely this gifted, prodigal boy couldn't have it in him to do this. He was supposed to be a smart-ass. Fearless, brave, unwavering. Surely, this wasn't that same boy.

"Aren't you going to tell me, Fullmetal? We don't have all day." Roy said, fighting to stop the panic that swelled in his voice.

Edward turned is body once again, tucking his wrist behind his hip. His stubbornness was really something.

"DAMMIT EDWARD! WHY DID YOU DO IT?"

"WHY THE HELL DOES IT MATTER?" Edward swiftly faced the older man.

His eyes, once dull and distant with fading consciousness, now lit up with the electricity of anger. They both glared into each other's eyes for a moment "Well? You gonna' say anything or what?" Ed spited scornfully.

Roy stood, not answering as he took in the bitterness in the young boy's words. Ed scoffed, chuckling pitifully before his voice became a deadly whisper, as he clutched his injured wrist closer.

"Didn't think so. You don't know half of what I'm going through. You don't know how it feels to watch your life fall to pieces before you, and not be able to do a single thing to stop it. You don't know how it feels to watch your little brother, your _only_ family, not be able to eat, sleep, feel, and know that it's your fault." he paused, momentarily looking down to the drops of blood on the wood floor.

"To hear him in the middle of the night, _trying_ to cry but knowing he _can't_ because _you_ took his body away from him!"

Once again, tears threatened to spill from his lids, but he quickly blinked them away, not daring to release his glare from the stunned colonel. God, it hurt to see Ed holding back tears like that. Roy swallowed, and released the held breath he was holding before saying,

"Do you think you could have changed that? You were just children, Edward. Do you think you knew that this would happen? Whatever happened that night was both your responsibilities. You and Alphonse. You both-"

"Oh no. Don't you _dare_ try to put the blame on Al! You don't know what we did! _I_ came up with the idea! _I_ forced him to do it! _I_ should have thought about the consequences first! But _I_ was too selfish to even do something as simple as that!" Edward snapped. He swayed slightly, quickly up righting himself and holding his head. The blood loss addled him, and he had to focus his eyes and catch his breath before continuing softer.

"Besides…it doesn't matter anyway. What's done is done. It was my fault. And Al doesn't even need me. Whether I'm here or not, he'll still get his body back. Quicker, even. I'm just slowing him down…" his shoulders began to shake. "I…I-I just need to end it all, before I hurt anyone else. Before I screw up things anymore than I already have. Before it becomes anyone else's problem." Ed said, his voice filled with so much hurt and bitterness, as he reached for the knife once more.

That was it. Roy Mustang was angry as fuck.

Quickly he grabbed Ed's wrist and kicked the blade aside. "What the _hell_ are you thinking?" he exploded "Do you really think Alphonse would be able to get by without you? You're all he has left! Don't you dare be so selfish as to leave that child alone to go through life and his fix your mistakes by himself!"

Ed's dull amber eyes widened, as he stared into Roy's agitated onyx ones. So he wanted to kill himself. That thought alone was aggravating and nerve-wracking enough. But to attempt it while Roy was not even five feet away? The boy needed to think straight. He was getting too caught up in his self-pity and wasn't thinking.

"Ouch…Colonel, you're hurting me." Ed winced, tugging lightly at his arm.

Roy looked down at the milky wrist, watching as the bandage under his fingers grew redder, smearing his own hands with red. He let go, pausing to not only give time for Ed to calm down, but for Roy to compose himself, as Ed cradled his pained arm to his stomach with his automail hand. _Deep breaths. In, out. One, two._

"Now, Fullmetal. I'm going to ask one more time, and I want you to tell me. Why did you do it?"

Ed cautiously looked up at him, his eyes apprehensive and fearful. He wasn't sure about spilling his inner most demons to anyone, much less Roy. Roy knew these were things he didn't even tell Alphonse. Although it seemed like he hated Ed and was annoyed by him (which he was sometimes, admittedly) he actually had a soft spot for the Elric Brothers, Edward in particular. He knew they were just children, and that although they wanted to believe they did, they didn't understand all the ways of life yet. He thought of them like sons, and he secretly wished they would think of him as a father, or at least a fatherly figure. Given this, of course he cared that his "son" was hurting. Of course he wanted to be trusted by them, when they found it so hard to trust.

Ed let out a wavering sigh, not having the strength to fight anymore. "I couldn't take it. So many times…so many damn times…we have a lead on the stone, only to find out it was a fake and be struck down again." he said spitefully. "Can you imagine, Colonel? Getting so close to your dream, only to be kicked down and have to start all over again. Get's tiring after a while…" he scoffed, a crying laugh forcing its way through his lips.

Roy's expression dropped. He didn't know how it felt, but he could imagine getting so close to being Fuhrer Mustang, before being ranked all the way down to Major again. His chest hurt just thinking about it.

"Every time I fail, I passively laugh it off in front of Al. Show him that I'm strong, that I have the confidence to fix things, but…But I…c-can't always be strong for him, Colonel." His voice broke, as his tears finally welled over and rolled in fat droplets down his cheeks, leaving faint trails where they ran.

Roy watched the boy that he always knew as the tough, fearless, smart-assed brat, melt into this broken, scared, young child. He was at a loss. He didn't know what to do. Part of him wanted to beat the daylights out of Ed, and tell him to get a grip. Tell him that this was just stupid, and that he was being unreasonable. But another part of him wanted to hug him, stroke his hair and tell him everything would be alright, then leave it at that. He wanted the easy way out of this nightmare. But that would just be trying to ignore the suffering that Edward was going through. That would just be selfishly putting off what Edward needed to hear most.

"I know." Roy finally spoke, his voice chilled and understanding. "I know how it feels. To feel like everything is your fault. To feel like the whole world is counting on you, but you just can't take it because you aren't strong enough. To feel that life's not worth living because you can't fix your mistakes, or that you don't matter. I know it all, Edward. I've been down that road."

Edward looked up surprisingly, tears still forming in his eyes.

"But if I had really done it, if I had really done what you were about to just do, it wouldn't solve anything. I'd die feeling worthless, and people wouldn't remember me as a hero. They'd simply write me off as the miserable bastard who killed himself. I wouldn't have my dreams, I wouldn't have my friends, I wouldn't have met you or Al, and I certainly wouldn't have become the great man I am today." He said, the last part half-jokingly. Ed scoffed.

Well, it was nice to see there was still _some_ life in him.

Roy knelt in front of him, brushing his sweat-drenched bangs out of his face. "You're just starting your life, Edward. You don't know what will happen tomorrow. You just have to live it and find out." He looked into the pained red eyes before him, and gave a sorrowful smile. It was true, Roy understood how Ed felt far more than he was willing to readily admit. That terrible feeling, gnawing and eating away inside you, before it becomes too much to handle. Roy was surprised when Ed's eyes lifted in understanding. Roy surprised himself, in fact. Those words weren't only there for Ed, but to also reassure himself. Reassure himself that he was okay, that life was still worth living, that he would get through this. That _Ed_ would get through this.

Edward's eyes widened, the realization of his actions finally dawning on him. He looked down at himself, at the harm he administered on his body.

At that moment, all the pent up sorrow and guilt exploded from the young alchemist.

"Oh god, what was I…Colonel, I…Alphonse…I'm such an idiot!" he cried, burying his face in his bloody hands.

Roy reached out and finally hugged him, stroking his hair and comforting him. "You jackass. Don't you ever do something this stupid again."

Edward nodded, clinging to his shirt for dear life, as if he would fall and die if he let go. He cried, apologizing as he soaked the Colonel's blue sapphire jacket with tears. Seeing Edward like this, Roy really could see that just because he put up a front, doesn't mean he still wasn't just a kid. He just had to grow up a little too fast.

_To grow up too fast_

The realization hit him. This small child, losing both his mother and father, had to become an adult at the age of nine. Had to throw away all his childhood pleasures and hold all that responsibility on his small shoulders. All for his little brother. Roy couldn't imagine the pain this young boy had to endure. All the suffering he had to keep to himself, not being able to open to anyone about it. Before he realized it, tears were sliding down Roy's cheeks too.

"...C-colonel?" Ed looked up, removing his face from the tear stained shirt, as he felt a drop hit his head.

Roy turned away, face flushed with embarrassment, as he quickly wiped away any stray tears from his face. Ed tugged his lips into a small smirk.

"Can I ask you something Ed?" Roy asked, turning to face him.

"…yeah, sure…" he replied.

"Why me?"

"What?"

"Why did you call me?"

Edward stared blankly for a second, before furrowing his brow, trying to piece together his thoughts. Moments later he spoke, barely above a whisper, "I…I don't know…I needed someone I trusted, I guess….someone who made me feel important enough to save. Someone who I could think of as a…father." he confessed, looking away slightly embarrassed.

A father.

Not a friend, a brother, or a superior, but a father.

Roy could feel his throat constrict and his eyes begin to water once more.

Suddenly, they heard the front door open, and hollow metal clang against the hardwood floor. "Brother, I'm back! I stopped by the store before coming here. I know how we ran out of bread and milk."

Roy stood, wiping his eyes and clearing his throat as he said, "Well Fullmetal, I guess I'll be taking my leave now. I shall see you tomorrow for your report, no later than 7:00 am."

"Yeah…see you then…" Edward replied. Roy turned on his heels and opened the door.

Outside, Alphonse was putting down bags on the table. "You would never believe this. Guess what Elysia did while I was making her lunch. She-" Alphonse cut off, seeing the Colonel exit Ed's room and shut the door. "Oh hi, Colonel. What are you doing here?"

Roy waved his hand, walking towards the front door. "Nothing, I'm just leaving. See you later, Alphonse." he answered, closing the door behind him.

"What was that?" Al called into their room as he sorted the groceries.

Inside, Edward had cleaned up the mess, and was pulling on his bright red coat as he listened to the shuffling of bags outside the room. "Nothing, Al. Just talking about work."

He heard Al scoff. "_Both of you_? Talking about work on a _Sunday_? Highly believable."

Ed didn't answer, raising his left sleeve to glance at the bandages now covering the four slices in his wrist. He held his arm lightly in his hand, smiling to himself.

"Really, Al. It was nothing."

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><p>The next day, as he and the Lieutenant were working, Roy heard his office door swing open, then the sound of shoes padding across the floor. Tiredly looking up, he saw Edward standing before him, ready to give the report of his previous mission.<p>

"Ah, Fullmetal. Didn't see you there. Without those shoes on, surely you'd disappear from behind my desk." Edward swiftly handed him the paper.

"Oh? Here to give me your monthly failure again? I see that you haven't gotten any closer to finding the Stone." Still no response from Edward. Roy took the paper from his hands, reading over it. After several minutes of eyes darting back and forth through sloppy words, he placed the report down on his desk, sighing.

"Well, I see you still have the handwriting of a three year old, and your report's as undetailed as ever, but I guess it'll have to do for today." He said, looking up at the young boy.

Ed scratched his head, finally speaking up. "Ah, give me a break, you bastard. That mission wasn't worth going to, anyway. Complete waste of our time, right Al?"

"Well, I wouldn't say a complete waste. They had some pretty valuable information regarding human transmutation." Al replied timidly.

"Yeah, not enough. I don't need some pisshead lecturing me about human transmutation, without even knowing the consequences first." he scoffed.

A small silence stretched in the room, before Ed turned. "I'll be going now." he started off, but Roy's voice stopped him.

"Good luck, Ed. You can do it."

Ed froze and turned his head back, momentarily catching the Colonel's soft smile.

"Yeah," he said, flashing his toothy grin.

Al and Riza both stood, stunned at the two's brief acts of sincerity.

"See ya later, bastard." Ed said, waving his hand and shutting the door. Roy leaned back in his chair, crossing his legs and resting his chin in his hands.

"No problem…shrimp."

After what had happened the previous day, it was nice to see that Edward could still pack a punch.

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><p><strong>Now that I think about it, <em>maybe <em>Ed should have gone to the hospital...he...kinda lost alot of blood...Aahh what the hell. I don't think like adding that in. So just assume that at some point, WITHOUT Al knowing, he got a freakin blood transfusion or SOMETHING! sorry, but I'm just too lazy to add it in.  
><strong>

**So I got this idea from a little story called Sick by Sevlow. I hope it wasn't too alike. I just REALLY like Ed angst, so I needed to write this. REVIEWS ARE WELCOMEEDDDD  
><strong>


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